I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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