I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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