I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
