so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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