We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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