How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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