i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
