is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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