I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
