I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
