i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
