you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
