i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
