and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
