I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
