I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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