absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
