Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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