Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
