Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
