I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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