I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
