Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
