Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
