obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
