I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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