NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
