It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
