Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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