so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
