im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
