just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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