There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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