i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
