u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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