Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
