and next time when you feel me up, do it right
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
