Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
