we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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