Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
