I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
