I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't deserve a penis
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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