Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
