Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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