And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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