I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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