Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
