If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
