I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
