"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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